Party Cannon – Injuries Are Inevitable
Release Date: 26th April 2024
Label: Unique Leader Records
Bandcamp
Genre: Slam, Brutal Death Metal, Death Metal.
FFO: Devourment, Guttural Slug, Sanguisugabogg, Goregasm, Disgorge, Exhumed.
Review By: Rick Farley
Party Cannon, everyone’s favourite Scottish slammers, are back with their heaviest, slammingest, grindiest, and dumbest album yet. Injuries Are Inevitable, releasing April 26th via the mighty Unique Leader Records. This will possibly be the most nut shrivelling blast of party gags and disgustingly brutal nonsense you will ever hear. Pig noises, squeals, guitar squawks and slamming brutal death metal all tread the line between delightfully ridiculous and legitimately fucking awesome.
Full on excess and extremes, Party Cannon vomits out music that makes other people think there is something wrong with you, and there probably is. Axe murderer, porno cult leader, alien abductee, closet Swifty. To be perfectly honest with you, if you don’t rock with Party Cannon, I got two words for ya! We can’t be friends!
Before we go too far into this review, it is worth noting, this band is absurdly brutal death metal better than most out there in slam land, and it’s executed extremely well by dudes (possibly degenerates) who can play the fuck out of their instruments. They just have a penchant for punching your guts through your anus with silliness as well as gross riffs. I basically said the same thing in my last Party Cannon review I did too. You should read it, it’s amazing.
Injuries Are Inevitable takes us on a deep dive into the notorious Action Park: (definitely worth reading about) the worlds un-safest theme park. It is with a relentless barrage of rapid blast beats, groove filled chugs, inhuman noisy gutturals and face melting heaviness that will have you strap on, err strap in rather and ride this theme park inflatable down the Cannonball Loop water slide over and over again or at least until you have lost a limb or two.
Tracks like Weird but Not Illegal and Test the Chute are dastardly brutish. Uniquely infectious and absurdly charming in its own way, this is a fun record from a fun band that know how to have a fun time. Unrelenting blasting, powering through your skull and then shaking your pea sized brains with slug like slam riffs. Don’t forget your helmet!
My personal favourite, title wise, is Layne Staley Went Down the Slip n Slide; it has a fat grindy riff that oozes knuckle dragging, apish, gym bro carnage. A slinky bassline murk’s it all up right before it pummels the living shit out of you with a breakneck slam. Ugly music for ugly people, I guess. Me, not Layne Staley.
But, if it is slow ass slams that you want, put on the closing track, Human Slime, and prepare yourself for consenting intoxicated insertion. It’s grimy, heavy as fuck and produces the stankest face possible.
Production wise Injuries Are Inevitable is top-notch. Everything is audible and mostly clean minus a few throw up chunks here and there. It’s abrasive but clear, right down to the gurgling throat noises. The mix feels weighty without being overly low ended. To be serious, at least for one sentence, it is balanced and was recorded, mixed, and mastered (bated) gratifyingly. Well, I tried.
Ultimately, you should just stop reading this, (seriously, I cannot help myself with these idiotic jokes) and go check out Party Cannon and this record too. It is bouncy, fun, disgusting, mindless and a total ass-blasting of heaviness. If you are wondering why this review is so crude, first off don’t be a fucking wanker, this is brutal death metal and secondly, check out the amazing cover art for this record. Now that is a theme park, I want to go to.
Finally, (it’s about to get weird) put on Injuries Are Inevitable, light some candles, shit in your pants and rub up on your girlfriend, or boyfriend or even your cat. Whatever, just ride the rides. At your own risk, of course. 
(4.5 / 5)
